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Our world is changing faster than ever. Disastrous weather, home mortgage crises and a plunging stock market have brought increasing instability to our homes. Pregnant and postpartum new mothers who are already dealing with massive fluctuations in hormones and brain chemistry are among the most at-risk during difficult times. They have a strong internal drive to create a safe “nest” for their babies. Unstable environments can make this impossible, ramping up their stress levels and wreaking havoc in their minds and bodies. A stressed mother equals a stressed baby, but the reverse is also true. Bringing a greater sense of well being to a new mother will have a positive effect on the baby as well.
Here are some tips to cope with difficult times:
Focus on the present.
It may be tempting to think about the list of problems stretched out ahead of you. This will only lead to a downward mental spiral. Instead, ask yourself if you and your baby are safe for the moment. If you are, take a deep breath and allow a moment of gratitude. If not, do whatever you need to do to get the two of you into a safe environment and take it one day at a time.
Be honest.
Ignoring your emotions or hiding your feelings can work against you. Whether you are mad, sad, glad, scared or some confusing combination of these, please know that it is O.K. for you to feel whatever is going on inside.
Connect.
You are not alone. Connecting with other people and sharing your story can help you feel sane again and bring comfort to everyone involved. If you can do this face-to-face, great. If not, go online and find support groups to connect with there. Quality matters more than quantity. Connecting with just one person or group of people who can be present and supportive can do a world of good.
Nurture yourself.
Ask yourself what you love with each of your senses. What do you love to hear? What do you love to taste? What do you love to feel? What do you love to smell? What do you love to see? Write your answers down, and be creative. Spa days, massages and fancy dinners are great, but the object here is to find small but meaningful ways to nurture yourself every day. You may be surprised to find the variety of simple, inexpensive ways to bring pleasure through multiple senses. A cup of favorite tea or coffee can nourish your sense of taste, smell, touch, and even sight if you take the time to focus and enjoy it. Stroking a cat or dog can be tremendously soothing, nourishing your sense of touch and bringing a sense of connection at the same time. It is possible to become aware of beauty in some of the harshest environments.
Cover the basics.
Sleep, eat, drink water, and breathe. It may not seem like much, but accomplishing these basics will give you strength and help you through to easier times.
Ask for help.
You do not need to prove your competence by trying to do everything alone. People may not realize you need help unless you let them know. Don”™t let pride or shame get in the way. Whether you need help with housing, food, finding information, a safe person to talk to, a little time for yourself away from your baby or some extra sleep, give yourself permission to ask. Asking doesn”™t guarantee you will receive the help you need, but it will dramatically increase your chances.
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I must agree that asking for help is so important. I remember my shock at discovering (when my daughter was a newborn) that even taking a shower was a daunting undertaking.