Welcome back!
Our world is changing faster than ever. Disastrous weather, home mortgage crises and a plunging stock market have brought increasing instability to our homes. Pregnant and postpartum new mothers who are already dealing with massive fluctuations in hormones and brain chemistry are among the most at-risk during difficult times. They have a strong internal drive to create a safe “nest” for their babies. Unstable environments can make this impossible, ramping up their stress levels and wreaking havoc in their minds and bodies. A stressed mother equals a stressed baby, but the reverse is also true. Bringing a greater sense of well being to a new mother will have a positive effect on the baby as well.
Here are some tips to cope with difficult times:
Focus on the present.
It may be tempting to think about the list of problems stretched out ahead of you. This will only lead to a downward mental spiral. Instead, ask yourself if you and your baby are safe for the moment. If you are, take a deep breath and allow a moment of gratitude. If not, do whatever you need to do to get the two of you into a safe environment and take it one day at a time.
Be honest.
Ignoring your emotions or hiding your feelings can work against you. Whether you are mad, sad, glad, scared or some confusing combination of these, please know that it is O.K. for you to feel whatever is going on inside.
Connect.
You are not alone. Connecting with other people and sharing your story can help you feel sane again and bring comfort to everyone involved. If you can do this face-to-face, great. If not, go online and find support groups to connect with there. Quality matters more than quantity. Connecting with just one person or group of people who can be present and supportive can do a world of good.
Nurture yourself.
Ask yourself what you love with each of your senses. What do you love to hear? What do you love to taste? What do you love to feel? What do you love to smell? What do you love to see? Write your answers down, and be creative. Spa days, massages and fancy dinners are great, but the object here is to find small but meaningful ways to nurture yourself every day. You may be surprised to find the variety of simple, inexpensive ways to bring pleasure through multiple senses. A cup of favorite tea or coffee can nourish your sense of taste, smell, touch, and even sight if you take the time to focus and enjoy it. Stroking a cat or dog can be tremendously soothing, nourishing your sense of touch and bringing a sense of connection at the same time. It is possible to become aware of beauty in some of the harshest environments.
Cover the basics.
Sleep, eat, drink water, and breathe. It may not seem like much, but accomplishing these basics will give you strength and help you through to easier times.
Ask for help.
You do not need to prove your competence by trying to do everything alone. People may not realize you need help unless you let them know. Don”™t let pride or shame get in the way. Whether you need help with housing, food, finding information, a safe person to talk to, a little time for yourself away from your baby or some extra sleep, give yourself permission to ask. Asking doesn”™t guarantee you will receive the help you need, but it will dramatically increase your chances.
-
Caring For Yourself: Not Selfishness, but Selflessness As mothers, we tend to feel like everything that we do in our day to day lives must in some way benefit our children and our families "“ but we are inclined to leave one important person out of the equation "“ ourselves. We rarely make time for ourselves and...... -
You, yes YOU, are better than June Cleaver! A talented mom wrote me recently to say that she's been a mother for 15 years, but she's still "no June Cleaver." This led me to an "ah-hah" moment, with this realization: Each and every one of us is better than any TV mom, June Cleaver or otherwise. "Why?", you...... -
What To Do When You Don't Feel Like A "Natural-Born" Mother Best-selling author Andi Buchanan shared her top tips for new moms with Mother Shock on last week's episode of The Mommy-Muse Is In. We had a great discussion in response to this listener question: "For those of us who don't feel like natural-born mothers, who haven't fallen madly in love...... -
Top Coping Stratgies for New Moms in Trying Times I don't know about you, but I find myself feeling pretty darn stressed while trying to create a stable home environment in the midst of these incredibly challenging times, and I'm not even pregnant! Pregnant and postpartum new mothers who are dealing with massive fluctuations in hormones and brain chemistry...... -
Speak to Yourself as Though You Were a Friend Today on The Mommy-Muse Is In: Empowering Your Journey into Motherhood, I was delighted to share Debi Silber, TheMojoCoach.com with you on the air. Debi is fondly known as "The Mojo Coach," and has been motivating moms for nearly 20 years to get their mojo back! Here is an excerpt from one......
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
I must agree that asking for help is so important. I remember my shock at discovering (when my daughter was a newborn) that even taking a shower was a daunting undertaking.