The Mother’s Dilemma: Should You Take Time for Yourself?

by mmuse on October 11, 2008

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     You may think it’s more important to tend constantly to the needs of other people rather than yourself. This appears at first glance to be the selfless, even saintly, way to behave. Aren’t mothers supposed to put the needs of their family first?

     The truth of the matter is that you will be more “response-able” to the needs of your family by protecting the bit of space you need to refill. The only real alternative is to run out of energy and your ability to respond after being on call 24/7. It may take a while, but a crash will happen eventually unless you take positive action now.

     If taking care of yourself seems foreign, think about this for a moment. You are a primary role model for your children’s lives. They will copy your actions more often than follow your advice. Many a mom has shed tears after becoming aware of the lack of self care they modeled during their children’s formative years. You love your children and want to do right by them. Therefore, you need to show them how to take care of themselves by taking care of you! This will increase their capacity to be healthy, well balanced adults.

     So how do you go about taking time for yourself? Some people recommend mediation, which has been proven to be extremely effective for stress management and overall health and well-being, but this is just one way to help. All you need is a few quiet moments for yourself every day. You can walk, sit, gaze at something beautiful, or just close your eyes. You can even lock yourself in the bathroom for a short time to get a little time away from everyone. It doesn’t really matter how or where you decide to take time for you, as long as you follow through with a regular commitment to yourself.

     If you work away from your home, you may find it a bit easier to set a little time for yourself aside away from your family. If you are at home twenty four hours a day, I recommend brainstorming to find a way to take some time away once a week for an hour or so while a responsible adult is caring for your baby or child. This will allow you to ease up on yourself and decompress. When you return, even a short time later, you may feel warmer and more appreciative of your little ones than when you left. Even over-tired, over-worked moms can open up their hearts more easily by having a window of opportunity to feel ever so briefly “off duty.”

     When your inner self begins to realize that you are consistently taking a little bit of time and space for yourself, you are likely to find your overall mood and body image improving. There is something extraordinarily healing about saying that it is O.K. to take up some room in the world, that it is O.K. to be. This simple act can create a positive upward spiral into a healthier sense of well-being. Therefore, taking time for yourself is a proactive way to become a healthier, better adjusted, more response-able human being, mother and partner.

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