Postpartum Survival Strategies: Find Peace in Your Holidays

Welcome back!

     The holidays can be filled with some of the most beautiful moments for your family, but with that beauty is sure to come stress and headache, especially for new parents.  Taking care of a new baby in your home is a monumental task by itself. Throw in the madness that always accompanies the holidays and you have the perfect recipe for anxiety and stress.  Most Moms and Dads dream of a storybook Christmas for their families, but as new parents, the reality is that you’re too tired to join in all your usual celebrations and activities.  To help new parents survive the holidays while still enjoying the season, try the following strategies. 

     Let go of the picture on the front of the Christmas card.  We’ve all received them in the mail: the Christmas card depicting Mom, Dad, kids, and dog all snuggled in front of the fireplace while a plate of fresh cookies cools on the table.  Whether you were brought up in a family of no-holds-barred Christmas celebrators or just want to be the family that has the perfect holiday, you might need to let go of the illusion of everything going perfectly – you’ll just set yourself up for failure. Where will you find time to bake those cookies and hang those lights? Certainly not in between diapering and feeding your new precious bundle while attempting to score a few moments of sleep if Dad handles diaper duty.  You’ll no doubt have many Christmases in the future – don’t overdo yourself during the holiday and miss out on all the fun of being a new Mom or Dad.

     Add a very small new word to your vocabulary – “no”.  It is one of the hardest words in the English language for some new parents to use, but it should become your new catchphrase.  Don’t feel guilty that you cannot go out with family and friends for your usual holiday parties and celebrations if you simply don’t feel like going this time.  New parents need time to adjust to their new family unit – especially if you are going from “you and I” to “we” as is the case with all first-time parents.  Even those parents who already have children will find themselves stressed as they learn how this new little arrival can turn the entire household into an uproar!  Take the time you need to make the adjustments to your new family circle – even if you have to strain out a few “no’s” here and there. 

     Are you smarter than a two-month old? By now you probably have been able to pick up on signals that baby is feeling stressed. All babies have their own temperaments, and if yours prefers the peace and quiet of an empty house, let baby be the guide and consider leaving the party early or even foregoing events that are loud and full of commotion.  Party at your house? If you somehow mustered the nerve to invite over a few guests for a holiday celebration, don’t feel bad if baby (and you) decide to exit gracefully and leave the guests to your partner. 

     Don’t forget your partner in the hustle and bustle.  The holidays are so event-packed and stressful  even for single persons, but factor in the new baby to your arrangement and its so easy to forget your partner. It’s important to realize that all of the feelings you are having about your new role as a parent are probably felt in equal strength by your partner. Make sure your partner knows how you feel, and take your partner’s feelings to heart. Incorporate each of your wants and needs into the holiday so that your relationship doesn’t suffer.

     Take a hint from Santa and make your list.  Make a list of everything that you feel needs doing, and then separate into three categories – Musts, Shoulds, and Wants.  The Musts category lists things that are inescapable and must be done because there is no way around them.  The Shoulds lists things that others want you to do and you feel pressured to do, but don’t necessarily feel that they are Musts and you might consider not doing them.  The Wants category is where you list the things you really want to do.  Try to do mainly the Musts and Wants, and factor in the Shoulds if you find time. 

     Take a decorating cue from the Mommy Muse.  One year, I ended up putting the tree inside my baby’s playpen, instead of her.  I put all of the gifts inside there, which looked so silly, but it was a workable solution.  I wasn’t willing to go without my beloved tree.  I needed to keep her safe.  This was a way to do it and I was really glad.  We only needed to do that for one year. Sure, all those fancy decorations are great for at least appearing to be in the holiday spirit, but don’t worry if you can’t go all out this year.  If your baby is in the exploratory stages of crawling, it may be wise to follow do a bit of non-traditional decorating to keep baby (and your heirloom Christmas ornaments) safe. 

     Shop online when possible.  Shopping is one of the biggest chores of the holiday season, and new parents often don’t have the time to carry out their traditional shopping routines in crowded malls and stores.  Online shopping can save the new parent tons of time and unneeded headaches.

     Step away from the apron, Betty Crocker.  If you feel that you must host a family gathering, then let the guests do most of the cooking. Ask each guest to bring their favorite potluck dish and you provide a precooked ham or turkey.  Pick up a desert or two at the local bakery, and enjoy!  You might want to consider having a desert-only get-together with your loved ones, which is a wonderful way to celebrate without the hassle of a big meal.  Clean up is a breeze, too, if you just know how to ask for help.  Be sure to buy some disposable dinnerware and plastic forks and spoons to top off the event in a pretty holiday pattern!

     Give yourself the best and least expensive present you can.  Take a bubble bath, walk the dog, read a short story in a magazine.  It’s important for new parents to feel like they still have some of their “self” left after they give so much to care for their new baby or new family.  You can better serve baby’s needs if you are refreshed and relaxed.

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Tagged as: holiday stress, holiday survival strategies, Stress Management