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As mothers, we tend to feel like everything that we do in our day to day lives must in some way benefit our children and our families ““ but we are inclined to leave one important person out of the equation ““ ourselves. We rarely make time for ourselves and our lives can become a constant frenzy of doing, doing, and doing ““ for everyone else. We need to learn the art of caring for ourselves, and understand that doing so is a selfless thing, not a selfish thing.
I recently spoke with guest author Susan Callahan on The Mommy-Muse Is In: Empowering Your Journey into Motherhood. Susan is co-author of the revolutionary new book, Mothers Need Time-Outs Too, which addresses the challenges that mothers face while constantly caring for others. It clearly delineates the benefits of taking care of ourselves so that we can actually take better care of those we love. Here is some great advice on how mothers can incorporate some “me” time into their everyday lives:
· Put yourself higher on your list of “must-do” items. In our society, most mothers are geared towards believing that they should put themselves last on the list of things to do. The opposite may be true. When we start to put ourselves towards the top of our list, we have more energy. We have a greater capacity for channeling love and creating the kind of life we want for our family. There is a miraculous transformation that happens that would seem very unexpected if you just are talking about being a little selfish today.
· Let go of the pressure to be the perfect mother. The modern mother has set a goal to be more selfless and has a never-ending need to please those around her. The pressure to be the perfect mother is very strong, and the guilt associated with failing to reach this perceived perfectionism bears equal strength. Breaking away from this cycle of pleasing everyone without regard to your own needs can be beneficial for the entire family circle.
· Set an example for your children by practicing good self-care. Taking care of yourself also sets a positive example for your children. Children learn by watching what their mothers and fathers do, so by taking care of yourself, you”™re setting the precedent for good self-care. It”™s very powerful to allow your children to help you take care of yourself, by allowing them to take a more active role in the household through chores like loading the dishwasher or making their bed, or other age-appropriate chores. I see children beginning to feel like a more important member of the family when they are included in this way. As they take ownership in creating the household rhythm, they feel proud of themselves. They have a greater sense of self-worth. They feel a sense of contributing to the whole household, and to the other members of the family.
· Don”™t allow intimacy with your partner to fade away. Another aspect that mothers tend to push to the back burner is the intimate time that they share with their partners. According to Susan, increasing the amount of intimacy in your life can add as much satisfaction as receiving a hefty raise in pay. There is an amazing statistic that comes from a 2004 study out of the National Bureau of Economics. They found that increasing sex with your partner from once a month to once a week improves happiness as much as getting a fifty-thousand dollar raise! And I’m sure this is not just about sex, but about intimacy, connection, and finding the time to enjoy life with your partner as much as possible.
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