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For all of its joys, motherhood can be an exhausting time in your life. From the beginning stages of becoming a mother with all of the sleepless nights of nursing until our kids are nearly grown and “can take care of themselves,” moms rarely dedicate a few moments from their busy schedules to take care of themselves. A cycle of self-neglect becomes a pattern of doing unto others but rarely doing for oneself. What might be in order for moms (of kids of all ages) is a time-out.
On Tuesday’s episode of The Mommy-Muse Is In: Empowering Your Journey into Motherhood, I explored the concept of time-outs for mothers with mother-of-four, Susan Callahan. Susan is co-author of the groundbreaking new book, Mothers Need Time-Outs Too: It’s good to be a little selfish. It actually makes you a better mother. There are powerful concepts contained in this book that moms of all ages and stages can benefit from. Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too, is a labor of love that was seven years in the making, and is based on interviews with over 500 mothers. Talk about doing your homework! According to Susan, mothers need to “be still and present in the moment so you can enjoy the life you lead. We only have one shot, as far as we know.”
Susan and her co-author”™s message is that mothers must make a commitment to ensuring their own health and happiness and realizing their own self-worth while taking time to figure out what is right for themselves and their lives. Mothers need time-outs to recharge their batteries and go from a doing state to a being state, and avoiding the guilt that they might feel when doing so. Susan related, “There is a great Zen phrase that says, ‘the quieter you become, the more you’re able to hear’.” That is really about being still and taking the time-outs you need to understand what your goals are and what makes you happy, what your purpose it, and all that good stuff.”
Personally, I can relate to the need to have a bit of time for myself and the empowerment that the simple act of taking time for oneself can bring. I’ve certainly practiced the art of ’stealing’ five minutes. There are moments when I will take five minutes and actually lock myself in the bathroom. The idea is that sometimes, if I have six other people in the house, and everything seems a little bit crazy, I can take a little bit of space, listen to my iPod so I can’t hear them knocking (as loudly!), and just take a breather. It’s amazing the difference that can make. Inside of five minutes, I can make a transition in my mental state, in my perspective about life, and be able to emerge from there feeling much more loving, stronger, more centered, and able to give a lot more to my family.
Here are some tips to incorporate the time-out concept into your seemingly non-stop motherhood schedule:
· Take five minutes to just breathe. Go to your child”™s activity early, sit in the car and take a breather. Take a short walk. Take a ten minute bath instead of a five minute shower. Claim your time.
· Instead of focusing on the novel you wish you had time to read, read a poem.
· Go to the grocery store alone, take your iPod with your favorite music ““ make this your “me” time.
· Start journaling. Write about what is important in your life, what your goals are, who are the important people in your life, and what are the most important things you want from life.
· Let your support network (spouse, friends, relatives) know that you are making time for yourself and ask for their help. You”™ll be surprised to find that they usually don”™t mind helping out.
I’d love to hear your favorite tips for personal time-outs – let me know your creative ideas!
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