Welcome back!
There’s a recurrent theme in my conversations with mothers over the last few weeks. Essentially, women are telling me that they don’t feel like they belong well enough to “play in other people’s sandboxes.” I’ve heard this from unconventional moms of all ages - they feel too old (grandmothers raising their grandkids), too young (15 year olds trying to go to school and raise their child), too many kids or only one, raising autistic children or gifted children, too much time as a SAHM or too much time working outside the home – you name it, they feel out of place.
During last week’s episode of The Mommy-Muse Is In: Empowering Your Journey into Motherhood, I spoke with Dr. Nicol Turner-Lee about the wonderful new series Diary of a Single Mom on pic.tv. She shared some of the unique challenges that single mothers face. I also delighted in bringing you two of my amazingly talented writing friends, Christina Marie-Wright of Corbin Lewars, who publish print and online zines at GonzoParentingZine.com and RealityMomZine.blogspot.com.
Here is a taste of Gonzo Mama’s story:
“My journey is unconventional, to say the least. As a young mom, I had my son when I was nineteen-years old. I was married, but younger than a lot of the other new moms that I was trying to connect with in mothering groups. I really didn’t have much in common with the other new moms that I was running into. They were all older than I was, or the ones that were my age were single moms and facing different challenges than I did. I kind of had that feeling of loneliness that Dr. Nicol was talking about, even as a married mom. Being a young mom was tough.
Things change. I got divorced and remarried. When I remarried, I married a man who had custody of his four children. I went from having one to having five. Then, a couple of years into our marriage we unexpectedly had two infants come into our home, that we are in the process of adopting.
Now, I have seven. I kind of say my family is not blended, it’s pureed. That’s how I came into motherhood. It was kind of taking the long way to it, but here I am, today, with seven kids, unexpectedly so. But, motherhood is good.”
Reality Mom followed suit as she talked about the origins of her zine:
“I thought, ‘Maybe I’ll start my own little thing.’ I won’t reject myself, obviously, so I can publish as much as I want. I can say what I want. As Christina-Marie described, I was not relating to a lot of the other moms. I was working but I worked from home. I wasn”™t necessarily a ‘working’ mom or a ’stay-at-home’ mom.
I also didn’t read any parenting books so I wasn’t an ‘attachment parenting’ mom, or all those names that were being thrown around. I didn’t know what people were talking about. I was just going by my own instincts.
I was constantly feeling alienated from these groups; I was missing a whole different language. By starting the zine, I was hoping two things: To meet some other like-minded individuals, and to get my ego boosted back up about writing.
I’m glad to say that both of those things happened!”
I appreciate the open, honest quality of Christina-Marie and Corbin’s sharing. I certainly encourage you to read more about them at their online zines and our joint effort with MotherhoodEggtoZine.com.
For now, here is my invitation to all of you – Come play in my sandbox! I swear we’re more alike than different. I hear the same essential concerns from everyone who talks to me, mothering from all walks of life. Every one of us is doing the best we can with the resources we have. Let me know what you want to hear about, and how I can help. I’m even considering starting a weekly post on issues that parents with older kids face. Tell me what you will find helpful, on the blog or through email to mommymuselive@gmail.com. If I read something you write on the air, you’ll even win a gift! Remember, I’m here and I’m listening.
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As a single, recently divorced mother of an autistic four year old, I’m not even sure I have a sand box anymore. It’s encouraging to find out I’m not alone in feeling frazzled and out of my league.