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I know many a mother whose stress level has gone through the roof while trying to figure out how to help their children cope with the arrival of a new baby. When my second daughter was born, even my well-intentioned midwife added to my fears. She commented that a new baby can be welcomed by the former “only child” about as well as a mistress would be welcomed by a wife. This may be true, but Ouch!
For those of you who will soon be introducing a new baby into your family, here is some advice that can help:
- Six Things To Help Prepare A Toddler For A New Sibling – Allow your toddler to interact with the baby so that they feel important as well, but do not push the interaction or force them to help. A new sibling is an exciting time for children. Toddlers can have trouble adjusting to a new baby …
- My Older Child Is Having Trouble Adjusting To His New Sibling … – One of the most basic things that you can do to help your child who is having trouble adjusting to his new sibling is to spend time with the older child. The fact of the matter is that having a new baby in the house changes the way a …
- Preparing Older Children For a New Sibling: Family Adjustment … – Every member of your family will need some time and space to adjust to a new arrival, so setting up a plan in advance can help smooth the transition for your older child or children. … Adjusting to the arrival of a new baby will take time for all members of your family. Children can experience feelings of jealousy, anger and decreased self-worth after the arrival of a sibling, so by talking to your child before and after the birth of a new baby, taking the time to …
- Preparing a Preschooler for When a New Baby is on the Way – No matter what a child’s reaction is to hearing they will be a big sibling, it’s normal. But no matter how they may feel, there are ways you can help them learn to embrace the idea and adjust to the newest member of your …
- Preparing Your Older Child for the New Baby | Natural Moms Talk Radio – If your toddler is still nursing, there is no reason to stop during your pregnancy or even afterwards when the new baby arrives. Many moms have found that tandem nursing (breastfeeding siblings who are not twins) is very rewarding and a …. This was my favorite all time sling. The unstitched style of the tail and no padding make it great for getting a truly hands free hold. What was your experience with helping your older child make the adjustment to a new baby? …
- Bringing Baby Home to Siblings | Baby | Babies Online The Blog – One of our first concerns when finding out that we were expecting another baby was how our daughter would react. While we look forward to the joy that a new baby brings, we also worry about how our daughter will react and adjust to no longer being the baby … Consider giving siblings a baby doll to play with, feed and change. This will help him or her to understand some of the tasks involved with an infant and may encourage him or her to help out with the new little one . …
If you have some favorite tips that are not covered here, let me know! I’ll be glad to post them here and spread the word.
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I have had two experiences with this. It was hardest the first time around when my 2nd child was born, my eldest was only 2 years and 2 days old. I found that by allowing my older child to help out and helping him be proud of his new role as a big brother, he took to it quite well and I have never had any obvious signs of sibling rivalry. In fact they are the best of friends, though they do have their normal brotherly spats.
During my second pregnancy, I worried that I would lose the special relationship I had with my older child and thought it would be far more difficult for him than me, given that I was still the centre of his universe. I was very careful to do all I could to maintain our special relationship and to make sure that each day we got some one on one time.
I allowed my eldest son to hold his little brother whenever he ask to- he loved that I trusted him to do that. I continued to breastfeed the eldest even while I was feeding baby number 2 and found that helpful rather than difficult- I had a ready made milk supply. I had prepared my 2 yr old for the fact that the baby needs the milk to grow and found him telling me to feed the baby. I think it helped my eldest son to know he was still so important in my world and that I was still there for him as I was before.
I have always encouraged my eldest to help look after his little brother, to teach him and to play with him. He really does seem to feel a great sense of pride at being a good big brother.
When my third baby came along, my eldest was 8 and my middle child was 6. They have been in awe of the whole new baby experience. We allowed them to take part in choosing names (they all got vetoed but they were happy that we asked and pretended to consider their choices). They loved coming to the ultra sounds and looking at the pictures they got to take home. They both took the pictures for show and tell at school. They both adore their little brother and my middle child is proud as punch at being able to call himself a big brother now.
I think it helps a lot to allow the older children to be as involved as possible in the care and joy of having a new baby and to let them know that they are getting something very special from this. Try to reduce any feelings of loss and jealousy by focusing on what they will gain from it and acknowledge any jealous feeling that do come up by telling your child that it is a hard time for big brothers/sisters and their feeling are normal and understandable. I think even a 2 year old will be far more tolerant and welcoming of a new sibling if they are being shown tolerance and empathy from his parents.
The book I refer all of my clients to is: “Siblings Without Rivalry.” It’s by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish and it is, hands down, the best book to outline sibling relationships I have ever read. It covers adult sibling relationships as well as those between toddlers and young children. It’s worth having a look at.
I will check out some of these that you have mentioned. Always good to have a library of options available for my clients.
Thanks for the great post!
Thank you so much for the book idea – Siblings Without Rivalry sounds like a must-read!