Welcome back!
Today on The Mommy-Muse Is In: Empowering Your Journey into Motherhood, I was delighted to share Debi Silber, TheMojoCoach.com with you on the air. Debi is fondly known as “The Mojo Coach,” and has been motivating moms for nearly 20 years to get their mojo back! Here is an excerpt from one of Debi’s excellent articles, available in its entirety online at “Would You Speak to Your Friends the Way You Speak to Yourself?” I encourage you to join me today by signing up for 52 weeks of free Mojo Coach inspiration online, and exploring her fabulous resources, including “The Lifestyle Fitness Program” book, CDs and coaching programs on her website!
“Very often when we speak to our friends, we shower them with compliments, praise and approval. It makes them feel proud, valued and respected and makes us feel good as well. We recognize the benefit of positive speech, we see the happiness it brings to our friends and we feel good about bringing this joy to others. So if we know all this, why is it so hard to speak this way to ourselves?
For many moms, negative self talk is a way of life. “I”™m so dumb/lazy/fat” can be how we define ourselves. We place ourselves in a particular category and limit ourselves from ever expanding beyond it. It”™s like we”™re willingly putting ourselves in prison while we hold the key. It”™s bad enough many moms feel this way about themselves but most share these negative thoughts with their coworkers, friends, spouses and even children.
Now take a look at how you speak about yourself when you”™re with your friends. We teach others how to treat us. If we speak negatively about ourselves, we”™re setting the tone for others to do the same. It shows we don”™t value or respect ourselves so others learn to follow by example. For some moms however, criticizing themselves is their way of fishing for compliments. For example, one mom says how bad of a mom she is in order to receive a reassuring boost that she is in fact a good mom. The problem with this method is that friends may find it tiresome and draining. At some point, when you keep putting yourself down, your friend may simply not want the responsibility of picking you up. That”™s your job, not hers. She wants to be loyal and supportive, but her time and energy is limited. Does she want to spend it boosting your self esteem or enjoying your company?
Then there”™s the way we speak about ourselves to our spouses or significant others. For most of us, we want our relationships to bring us joy, satisfaction, enrichment and fulfillment. We want to feel loved, respected, appreciated and adored. So let”™s look at how we”™re going about this. What are we “bringing to the table” when we show that we don”™t love and respect ourselves by calling ourselves names? To make matters worse, why would we choose to point out all of our imperfections? No one”™s perfect, but by finding a way to love our uniqueness, idiosyncrasies and quirkiness others can love them too. It”™s “the spin” we put on ourselves; if we think we”™re something special, that feeling radiates to those around us.
Learning how to speak to ourselves more positively may take some practice. For some it means counteracting every negative comment with a positive comment. For others it may mean finding something they like about themselves in order to begin the process of self love. Whatever gets you there doesn”™t matter. What”™s important is to begin speaking to ourselves the way we speak to others”¦for everyone”™s sake.”
Empowering advice for everyone – now go forth and give yourself some love!
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