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Kathy Ireland shared some powerfully honest words during our interview last week on The Mommy-Muse Is In. A single mom of three who works full time wrote in for Kathy’s advice. She said sometimes she wakes up and doesn’t know how to continue with pressure from all sides to perform for her boss and for her kids. She wanted to know if Kathy ever has a sense of overwhelm, and to learn what she can tell herself and what she can do to continue moving forward confidently during those moments. Here is what Kathy had to say:
First of all, I can relate with Lauren. I have three kids, too. It’s tough. When you are feeling pulled from every direction and you’re feeling squeezed – many of us are in the squeeze generation, caring for parents who are getting older and raising kids at the same time, everybody needs something and there is just not enough time. So often, we feel underappreciated. It is difficult.
I got called out on this. Someone I love who I work with, we were at a furniture market working incredible hours and it was busy. As I was guzzling coffee and scarfing down cookies they very lovingly said, “Do you think you’re making the best choices, right now?” I’m sure my response was a little bit defensive. Our son gets a camera and he’s running around the house taking pictures of everything in sight, including me. He wasn’t doing it to be mean, but he just was laughing. I said, “What’s so funny?” He said, “Mom, you look like you’re pregnant.” I said, “Let me see that,” and I looked and it caused me to take a good look in the mirror, not so much the weight but I had obviously had way too many cookies. He was correct.
I didn’t recognize myself. I just saw someone who was overwhelmed, overstressed, overweight, and over everything. Wow, you can teach and it’s a lot easier to teach than it is to take your own advice. It was very humbling. It caused me to just really look at what I was telling everybody else. There is no I in Mom.
That same friend reminded me that when we get on an airplane, the flight attendant will say, “Put on your own oxygen mask first, before assisting others.” If we don’t take care of ourselves, we’re not going to be any good for anybody.
Lauren, please, be good to yourself. You have so much going on and I encourage you to find little pockets of time for yourself where you can get recharged, re-energized, and to think about how you are taking care of yourself.
Your food choices – for me, I know about health. I produced five best-selling exercise videos. I know about it, yet I have a real sweet tooth. I love desserts and I was eating desserts after every meal. That’s not really healthy. This is not even an issue of vanity. I intentionally began a business that had nothing to do with my physical appearance or my image. I would say, “What does it matter, I can eat more, what does it matter? My job doesn’t depend on this.” What matters is an extra twenty-five pounds can take ten years off our life. Diabetes, heart disease, all of these things; our heart is a muscle and when you have the added fat and muscle is decreasing, it can wreak havoc on our bodies.
How are we going to take care of our families if we’re a mess ourselves? First of all, I have to get that out there; this is a lesson I’ve had to learn. Make that time count with your kids, especially when it’s limited. Just be a good listener. You don’t have to plan elaborate things with them and make it up in those ways. It’s just being there and really listening and hearing them.
For me, and our kids have busted me on this when they’re talking to me. They’ll say, “Mom, you weren’t really listening. You were distracted. I didn’t have your focus.” They’re right and I have to apologize. When it’s their time, it’s their time. I’m not going to answer the phone. I’m not going to give someone else my attention. If some adult tries to get my attention I just say, “Excuse me, but I’m engaged right now.”
Thank you, Kathy, for sharing with such honesty about your very personal experiences!
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Thanks for reminding to be good to yourself. Only then we can deliver our best to the others- those who need us”¦
Wow, that is such a wake up call. I am a single mother of 2, a full-time student and a full time writer. The strings pulling me sometimes get so frail that I find myself really feeling like any day I could just snap. But, I remember that I have everything I need to do everything I have been called to do. I find little lifesavers and small tools to get through the long days. I love Kathy’s analogy of the masks. Thanks!
Putting yourself first is probably the hardest thing a mother can do! Great article, I needed this!