Welcome back!
In case you missed it, here’s your chance! You can hear my interview with Linda Semrau, Mommy-Muse.com co-founder and online counselor extraordinaire on this Tuesday’s The Mommy-Muse Is In. Here are some excerpts to give you an inside scoop on what new moms really want!
Christy: Why would a new mom choose to begin counseling?
Linda: The truth is that postpartum women are actually not likely to want therapy. It is the last thing they think they want. They don’t tend to enter therapy because they don’t have a deep desire to work on unresolved psychological issues. How could they? Instead, a new mom might enter therapy only because she feels paralyzed and unable to cope. She needs to be able to function again, as quickly as possible.
The whole experience of new motherhood is probably very far from what she expected. She’s having trouble just doing her life, as it is. Think about what it might be like for her. She is probably tired all the time, sleep deprived, restless, definitely hormonally compromised.
Christy: I remember that.
Linda: I remember that, too. She is likely overwhelmed. I remember it was very difficult even to find the time to take a shower, and I know you felt that way, too. Her nerves are probably shot; she may be crying a lot; her mind is fuzzy; she can’t concentrate, and although she feels as if she has lost touch with her core self, she is probably desperately trying to live up to what her ideal image of a mother looks like, feels like, and acts like.
Besides all that, there is a baby in the picture that she has to take care of. She also has her family and friends who thought this would be the happiest time in her life. It’s pretty tough to admit that this is not a happy time, at all. Instead, she may feel angry, sad, irritable no matter what someone says to her. She is afraid of failing her baby, her family, and herself. She may not even have fallen in love with her baby, yet. She is worried about that. She is probably out of control. She feels scared. She may be desperately trying to balance herself, her expectations, her baby, and her depression that she probably doesn”™t even realize she has.
The fact is, her life has been changed forever and it is way too hard to deal with.
The new mom has very little energy, and often her money resources are also scarce. She has trouble justifying spending any money on her mental health. She thinks she can just “tough it out”. She doesn’t realize that the costs of not being treated are likely to be a lot higher, at many levels, than the cost of taking care of herself.
It takes a lot of strength and determination for a new mom, again, who is overwhelmed and desperately tired, to make the decision to be proactive about taking care of herself, at all, when she feels this badly.
If she is a perfectionist, she probably is trying her best to look as though she has everything under control. She can’t admit to anyone that she is having emotional problems.
Also, a new mom may be afraid of her symptoms. She typically doesn’t separate the symptoms from herself. She thinks the symptoms are who she is. She doesn’t realize that things like weepiness, insomnia, overwhelming fatigue, agitation, irritability, anxiety, and all that could actually diminish quickly with the help of an appropriate counselor.
Christy: If the new mom doesn’t want therapy, what does she want?
Linda: First, she wants relief from her symptoms and she wants it right now. She just wants it to end. She wants to feel like the self that she was before she had the baby. She wants refuge from her suffering, and she is suffering. She wants a place where she can find support, guidance, reassurance, and someone to help her think clearly. She needs to be reminded that being a mother won’t always be easy, but it definitely won’t always be this difficult.
You could say the new mom is not looking for therapy, but she is looking for compassion. She needs information, support, reassurance. She needs her feelings and thoughts to be validated, and at the same time, she needs expertise and guidance. Probably the most important thing she needs is to have a counselor who cares about her, and actually know the steps the new mom can take to get better, now.
Christy: Yes, because there are steps that new moms can take to feel a whole lot better, relatively quickly.
Linda: That’s true and also why it is important for a new mom to pick a counselor or therapist who actually knows what those steps may be. A new mom needs to know and feel that she is safe. When she is in the midst of her overwhelm, she does not feel safe. Part of the counselor’s job is to get her to that place where she can feel safe, where she knows she is not being judged, where she knows she can speak or write candidly, and that she is not the only one that has said or felt these things. Again, she needs to know she won’t always feel this way.
The counselor needs to make sure the woman knows she is protected from ridicule, criticism, and disapproval; she is hypersensitive to all criticism right now. The new mom needs to know that she can expect relief from her symptoms in the near future. That is what she wants, above all, relief from her symptoms, right now.
Christy: So a new mom is not going to typically want therapy at all. What she wants is some relief from the struggle that she is dealing with, right in the moment. And that is what we are specializing in providing, through Mommy-Muse.com!
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