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Adapting to change is a huge part of our life as parents. On a recent interview with American philosopher Tom V. Morris on The Mommy-Muse Is In, we opened up a treasure trove of wisdom from the philosophers of the past about how to deal with change. Tom says the “Art of Change” is composed of three component arts, beginning with the “Art of Self Control”:
“Whenever you’re confronted with a new situation, it’s easy to panic, or it’s easy to get worried, to have high anxiety. A lot of young parents report this to me. They say, “I don’t know how to do this! I haven’t gone to school to be a dad or a mom. This is all new; how do I know what I’m doing?”
The first thing you have to do is gain some self control. The philosophers said three things. First of all, don’t rush to judgment. Don’t panic. Don’t be too quick to say this is terrible, or this is wonderful, because either way you can get unbalanced and not be prepared to deal with what comes next. The philosophers used to say, “Hardly anything in this world is as good as it seems, or as bad as it seems,” so we should all just calm down.
I know we’ve all had the experience that we thought something was just going to be terrible! We have to go to the doctor’s office. We have to have a tooth pulled, or dental work done that’s going to be so painful. You go there and it’s not nearly as bad as what you thought, but the other side happens just as often.
We get so excited. I won the lottery! I can’t believe it! How many lottery winners, three to five years later, have lost all of their friends, they’re divorced, they’re unhappy. They owe money! It’s up to us what we make of any situation that we’re in. The philosophers say, “Don’t rush to judgment.” Stay cool within.
The second part of the Art of Self-Control is to value the right things. It’s easy to get caught up in the details of the situation you’re in, and forget what truly matters. If you remind yourself of your basic values, what do you want out of your life? What do you want for your children? What are the most important things? Try to keep those in the front of your mind so that you won’t speak in a harsh voice, so that you won’t shout out in frustration, so that you’ll remember the importance of the things that you want to make happen long term. That will guide your behavior short term.
Number three in the Art of Self Control is to use your imagination well. It’s when our imaginations get out of control that we imagine the worst. Things are hardly ever what we imagine them to be if we’re not controlling or using our imaginations to support our deepest values and our highest aspirations, both for ourselves, and for our children. I think imagination is so important and that’s why at Notre Dame, my slogan for teaching, where I taught for fifteen years, was Einstein’s discovery that “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” If we cultivate kids’ imaginations, great things will happen.
For more good stuff, check out The Art of Achievement and True Success, written by Tom Morris. And of course, stay tuned for Step Two of Parenting and the Art of Change.
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