On Becoming a Special Needs Mom…Again!

Welcome back!

Here is the much anticipated article by Guest Blogger Gina Badalaty, following last week’s post, On Becoming a Special Needs Mom: Part One.  Gina works at home full time as a web designer at www.ArtByTech.com and freelance blogger, and is an aspiring novelist.  Before having kids, she relocated from New York City to the beautiful suburbs of spacious Pennsylvania. Gina is a self-confessed Twitter junkie (be sure to check out her tweets on @ginabad) and chocoholic. 

Becoming a Special Needs Mom…Again

 ”Last time I wrote about how it took a long time to cope after the birth of my first daughter, who has Mosaic Down syndrome.  In the end, my husband and I couldn’t believe how happy having a child made us and we decided to have another baby.  It took 6 months of trying (I’m not complaining!).  Just when we were on the brink of giving up and retiring my reproductive organs, success!

Zoe was born on the first day of fall in 2005.  Unlike Amelia, she was a fussy baby.  Everyone tells you that your second child is nothing like your first one, so I figured it was the old wives’ tale coming true.  Night after night, she woke up and no amount of bottles could calm her down for at least 30 minutes.  Nights turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and I found myself with a 10 month old baby who still did not sleep through the night.

As Zoe became a toddler, we struggled with her irregular sleep habits, eliminating naps quite early as that gave us a small measure of success with night sleeping.  I tried all the tricks that had worked on Amelia, all the suggestions of every super nanny, and all the articles I could get my hands on.  Nothing worked.

 It was not until she was two and I came across an article that said that said she should have a vocabulary of 50 words by now.  Alarm bells went off.  Amelia spoke at the age of 10 months old.  I had pointedly thrown out all the books when Zoe was confirmed “genetically typical” so I had no way to know how far behind she was.  In truth, maybe I didn’t want to know.  After all, this was my “typical” baby, right?

The pediatrician recommended we contact Early Intervention for an evaluation.  Zoe was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder.  This was why she had great difficulty sleeping without a heavy blanket and absolute quiet.  It also meant that certain sounds (the garage door, falling wooden blocks) would make her jump.  Zoe’s hands and feet, however, were less sensitive than typical.  That’s why she was a late walker, frequently walking on toes for more sensory input, and why she  put everything in her mouth.  Even now, we have a hard time keeping objects out of her mouth.

I can’t stress enough how wonderful early intervention with proper therapy and diagnosis is in helping a child.  I always thought Zoe was one of those unhappy souls, but after therapy, a happy, vibrant child emerged.  Her real personality had been hiding beneath her daily struggles to cope and communicate.

A few months later, she was evaluated with a psychologist and a developmental pediatrician.  That’s the first time anyone used the word “autism”.  It is difficult to diagnose in a small child, especially if she is high functioning.

We resisted it at first but later my husband and I realized the diagnosis could serve her well in terms of therapy.  I’d progressed emotionally since Amelia’s diagnosis, but I still blamed myself for this outcome.  I felt cursed but having two special needs children leaves you with very little time for self-pity.

As time went on, I realized more and more that Zoe does fit some of the parameters of autism.  It’s something I learned to accept: having two children who may have more obstacles than usual to deal with as they grow.  Nothing was my fault, and it’s certainly not a curse.  God saw fit to bless Chris and me with these amazing children.  Yes, I do think they’re amazing, because their capacity to love and live fully astonishes me every day. 

That’s a blessing I can live with, come what may.”

For more great posts from Gina, check out her top-ranked parenting blog at mom-blog.com.

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Tagged as: gina badalaty, guest blogger, special needs mom