Comments on: Releasing the Bonds of Shame http://www.mommy-muse.com/blog/2009/09/releasing-the-bonds-of-shame/#utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=releasing-the-bonds-of-shame The Official Mommy-Muse.com Blog Thu, 04 Mar 2010 02:44:14 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: mmuse http://www.mommy-muse.com/blog/2009/09/releasing-the-bonds-of-shame/comment-page-1/#comment-1364 mmuse Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:37:04 +0000 http://www.mommy-muse.com/blog/?p=1000#comment-1364 Thanks so much for your candid comment! I hardly feel years ahead of anyone on my current situation, but your words are a blessing :-) Thanks so much for your candid comment! I hardly feel years ahead of anyone on my current situation, but your words are a blessing :-)

]]> By: Andrea Deely http://www.mommy-muse.com/blog/2009/09/releasing-the-bonds-of-shame/comment-page-1/#comment-1357 Andrea Deely Wed, 16 Sep 2009 04:39:13 +0000 http://www.mommy-muse.com/blog/?p=1000#comment-1357 Yes, I totally agree! My husband and I had gone into business a few years ago and the business failed. The worry, with a small child and employees to take care of, put us in a state of chronic panic and it was massively difficult for our marriage. Just paying our business and household bills every week was a huge struggle and one which eventually became impossible. Like you, Christy, we were well educated professionals on previously high incomes. I feel bad that I insisted on keeping the business going when my husband wanted to finish it and make a fresh start. At the time I would have put my hand on my heart and said the reason I wanted to continue was because I didn't want to let everyone else down. However I now realise a huge part of that was that I wasn't courageous enough to face the shame of having to fess-up to friends, family and customers that we were in financial trouble. I wish I had seen those years of struggle as the opportunity they were: a chance to meet some incredible people who I now work with -- with joy and love. If I had been more open about our situation earlier I might have had the courage to face the inevitability earlier, that we needed to quit the business, admit we had lost everything and move on. I couldn't have anticipated that my avoidance of shame would make me blind to the opportunity and joy we both have in our lives now. We started again -- and it really did feel like a fresh start. Well done Christy - it seems that you're mentally years ahead of where I was! :-) Yes, I totally agree!

My husband and I had gone into business a few years ago and the business failed. The worry, with a small child and employees to take care of, put us in a state of chronic panic and it was massively difficult for our marriage. Just paying our business and household bills every week was a huge struggle and one which eventually became impossible. Like you, Christy, we were well educated professionals on previously high incomes.

I feel bad that I insisted on keeping the business going when my husband wanted to finish it and make a fresh start. At the time I would have put my hand on my heart and said the reason I wanted to continue was because I didn’t want to let everyone else down. However I now realise a huge part of that was that I wasn’t courageous enough to face the shame of having to fess-up to friends, family and customers that we were in financial trouble.

I wish I had seen those years of struggle as the opportunity they were: a chance to meet some incredible people who I now work with — with joy and love. If I had been more open about our situation earlier I might have had the courage to face the inevitability earlier, that we needed to quit the business, admit we had lost everything and move on. I couldn’t have anticipated that my avoidance of shame would make me blind to the opportunity and joy we both have in our lives now. We started again — and it really did feel like a fresh start.

Well done Christy – it seems that you’re mentally years ahead of where I was! :-)

]]> By: The Gonzo Mama http://www.mommy-muse.com/blog/2009/09/releasing-the-bonds-of-shame/comment-page-1/#comment-1355 The Gonzo Mama Mon, 14 Sep 2009 22:33:00 +0000 http://www.mommy-muse.com/blog/?p=1000#comment-1355 You're absolutely right - Shame does NOT serve us. It paralyzes us, and that is not what we need at a time when we must move forward. It's empowering to name the feelings of guilt and shame so that we can address them head-on and direct our emotional energy into solutions, rather than self-pity. Well done on this post. I know how much courage it took to write. You’re absolutely right – Shame does NOT serve us. It paralyzes us, and that is not what we need at a time when we must move forward.

It’s empowering to name the feelings of guilt and shame so that we can address them head-on and direct our emotional energy into solutions, rather than self-pity.

Well done on this post. I know how much courage it took to write.

]]> By: Danny White http://www.mommy-muse.com/blog/2009/09/releasing-the-bonds-of-shame/comment-page-1/#comment-1353 Danny White Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:41:08 +0000 http://www.mommy-muse.com/blog/?p=1000#comment-1353 Christy, So many of us experience shame, regret, remorse that we limit and break down ourselves from the inside out. How often are we our own worst enemy? For myself, that little voice in my head rarely has anything positive to say. I have to realize -- DAILY -- that my thoughts are not me. Would we ever choose to hang around someone that speaks to us as we speak to our self? I bet not. I am learning to diminish that voice in my head and understand it speaks out of fear. Having shame for where I am or what I've been through in the past DOES NOT serve me. Today, I want to look in the mirror and like that person that is looking back. If I love that person than I cannot be shamed of my past or present. I am content and accepting of the understanding that I am where I need to be RIGHT NOW. I am slowly falling back in love. Not with a person or a place or a thing (I am a noun addict!) But with myself. Shame has no place in my life. It rears its ugly head -- that I cannot control. But I do not have to validate it. Be your own best friend. Christy,
So many of us experience shame, regret, remorse that we limit and break down ourselves from the inside out. How often are we our own worst enemy? For myself, that little voice in my head rarely has anything positive to say. I have to realize — DAILY — that my thoughts are not me. Would we ever choose to hang around someone that speaks to us as we speak to our self? I bet not. I am learning to diminish that voice in my head and understand it speaks out of fear.

Having shame for where I am or what I’ve been through in the past DOES NOT serve me. Today, I want to look in the mirror and like that person that is looking back. If I love that person than I cannot be shamed of my past or present. I am content and accepting of the understanding that I am where I need to be RIGHT NOW.

I am slowly falling back in love. Not with a person or a place or a thing (I am a noun addict!) But with myself. Shame has no place in my life. It rears its ugly head — that I cannot control. But I do not have to validate it. Be your own best friend.

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