by mmuse on January 3, 2009
Welcome back!
Bringing home one new baby is a big challenge, but if you are a parent to newborn twins, you have double the challenges (and double the rewards) in store in the coming months. On a recent episode of The Mommy-Muse Is In: Empowering Your Journey into Motherhood, I spoke with perinatal educator and sleep coach Karen Pollak about the unique aspects of becoming a new parent of multiples.
Feeding and sleeping are typically the greatest challenges parents face when they bring their twins. Mastering the art of both takes more than a little effort. The task at hand becomes managing two often different babies, with different feeding schedules and different sleeping schedules. All this is to be done while fighting the sleep deprivation that is bound to come to new parents ““ regardless of the number of babies they are caring for. Here is some of the great advice Karen Pollak offers for the parents of twins as they adjust to their new role, including:
· Get to know each baby individually instead of “looking at them as bookends.”
· As soon as possible, get both babies on a tandem feeding schedule. This can be accomplished by gradually moving the time that babies are eating closer to one another, starting with just a few minutes forward or backward, depending on the most convenient time for you. “The baby who eats at eleven will eat at eleven fifteen. The baby who eats at twelve will now eat at eleven forty-five. In a matter of days, you”™re both eating at eleven thirty.”
· For nursing moms, accept the fact that your body may be unable to keep up with the demand being placed on it for milk, and look to a lactation consultant if needed. You”™re not a failure as a mother if you cannot breastfeed exclusively, so “give yourself permission to do what needs to be done to get the twins the nourishment that they need.”
· For those moms who choose not to nurse, “don”™t be overly concerned with what a lot of other people”™s opinions are around that. There is a lot of pressure in our society. Most women try to nurse or do nurse and as a mother of multiples, that can be very daunting in terms of the demands that are required of both time and body.”
· If your twins have older siblings, do your best to maintain a sense of normalcy for the older child. Strive to keep their routines as similar as possible to what they were before baby arrived, but allow them to feel included in taking care of their new twin siblings.
· Remember to ask for help when you need it, and rely on your network of helpers without feeling guilty. Don”™t turn down free help ““ even for small things like a run to the grocery store.
· Move yourself up from the bottom of your to-do list. Treat yourself like a “third child” to make sure that your own needs are met. “You wash your child, you feed your child, you nurture your child, and you make sure your child got the rest they needed. Sometimes, we as new parents don’t do those things for ourselves. Those things still have to be met.” Taking care of yourself is not selfish, but selfless, because it allows you to be a better parent to your children.
To find out more about what Karen Pollak has to offer, visit her website at http://www.doubletalkfortwins.com/.
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by mmuse on December 21, 2008
We know that many new moms become depressed in the weeks and months after the arrival of their babies, or experience the so-called “baby blues.” Growing evidence is mounting that points to the fact that new dads also experience a similar type of postpartum depression and feel a sense of helplessness when confronted with their new parental obligations.
Men are gradually becoming less afraid to admit their feelings towards a wide range of issues, including those that our own fathers and grandfathers wouldn’t have dared discuss with others, like men’s postpartum depression.
Men’s postpartum depression is not a new phenomenon, although it is not as socially unacceptable for men to admit vulnerability as it once was. Men”™s postpartum depression is similar to what women go through, as Dr. Will Courtenay pointed out in a recent interview on The Mommy-Muse Is In: Empowering Your Journey into Motherhood: “So often, parents, both mothers and fathers, expect this experience of “baby bliss” that everyone suggests parenting is going to be like. Then, suddenly, this screaming, helpless infant is in their laps and they don’t know what to do to calm this baby, soothe it, and suddenly, things start feeling a lot more difficult than they ever expected.”
For both sexes, parenthood is a life-altering event. Couples are turned into threesomes in the brief time it takes their baby to be born. Although most men report feeling satisfied with being a father, they are also clear that making this transition into fatherhood can be quite daunting. In its most severe state, men’s post partum depression (also known as Paternal Post-Natal Depression) may necessitate new fathers seeking help from a mental health professional who is sensitive to the needs of new fathers and understands the condition. Dr. Will Courtenay offers excellent resources through www.SadDaddy.com.
The signs of postpartum depression in new fathers are different than what we might expect in a new mom “sadness, crying, loss of interest. Men tend to have excellent skills when it comes to hiding their depression, so the best clues to a possible onset of men’s postpartum depression is looking for things that are out of order from their previous state, or just a feeling that something just isn’t “right.”
Men may also try to avoid parenting altogether, according to Dr. Courtenay. “I’m hearing a lot from new dads about the experience of not being able to tolerate being around the baby. They can’t stand the baby’s cries, the screaming; they say it makes them crazy. Or, they can’t stand to smell the baby, or to even see it or hold it. Typically, men feel horribly guilty about feeling that way, and also very confused because, of course, this is not what they were told to expect with the birth of their child. All they really know to do is just to try to get away from the thing that is kind of making them feel all of these things. They end up spending as much time as they can at the office.”
New moms and dads can benefit from taking steps before the birth of their new baby (or even after the birth if they sense a problem). Try out these helpful strategies:
· Accept that postpartum depression is real in both men and women. If a man has a history of depression, beginning mental health counseling before the baby’s birth is a great preventive measure.
· For couples with poor communication or relationship challenges, couples counseling during the pregnancy, as well as after can help offset depression by opening up essential lines of communication.
· Economic problems should be faced head-on with the creation of a livable budget to alleviate the stress that finances can put on the couple.
· Social support for both mom and dad is important. Decide who you can rely on if you need a sitter, someone to talk to, etc.
The most important thing for new fathers and mothers to understand when it comes to postpartum depression is that it is a completely natural condition that millions of other new parents have gone through. With appropriate treatment and counseling, parenthood will feel more natural to the both of you, and you will finally be able to relax and enjoy your new bundle of love.
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Bringing home one new baby is a big challenge, but if you are a parent to newborn twins, you have double the challenges (and double the rewards) in store in the coming months. On a recent episode of The Mommy-Muse Is In: Empowering Your Journey into Motherhood, I spoke with perinatal educator and sleep coach Karen Pollak about the unique aspects of becoming a new parent of multiples.
